Not Alone
by SmileyGirl97
Summary: Lily/James - All it took was one more rejection... James needed to learn that he wasn't alone... The Marauders and Lily's sixth year at hogwarts.  Rating for scenes of self harm and eating dissorder.
1. Prologue

**A/N – Hello! I'm not entirely sure where this fic is going but I'm gunna try and make it quite long. This is my first Lily/James fic so I'll try my best. :)**

**The title is taken from the song Not Alone - Mcfly**

**DISCLAIMER – I do NOT own Harry Potter or any of the other characters associated with it.**

Prologue

All it took was one last rejection. One last time asking, one last time where the answer had been a no. James sat on his broom in the middle of the quidditch pitch, reflecting on the happenings of that evening. He knew he had been stupid to ask, he knew the answer that was coming, But he couldn't help asking and hoping that he would have had a different – and better – answer.

*_Flashback_*

James walked through the portrait hole to see Lily Evans sat on the sofa in front of the fireplace. _One last time _he thought. _What's the worst that can happen?_

"Evans!" he called. "I wondered when I'd be seeing you this fantastic evening!"

"Get stuffed Potter!"

"Not the nicest of greetings but… okay. First Hogsmead weekend of the year, up for it Evans?"

James hoped with all of his heart that maybe this one time, she would say yes. See what he was really like and see just how much he loved her.

"What is it with you? Can you not last a week with out ruining the day? When are you going to realize that I just don't like you? WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO REALIZE THAT I AM NEVER GOING TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR FAT, ARROGANT SELF? WHEN ARE YOU JUST GOING TO LEAVE ME. ALONE!" she shouted. Her face nearly as red as her hair.

James wasn't going to say it, but what she said had hurt. After every rejection he was hurt. He never showed his true emotions to anybody, not even the Marauders. But this time, it had hurt more, he didn't want to fight back, he only wanted to get out of there.

"Okay." He whispered. For some reason he felt as if he was trying to swallow a quaffle. He didn't even understand why he felt like that. He just did.

Nothing else was said. James ran down to the Quidditch pitch, jumped on his broom and soared into the air without a second thought.

*_End Flashback_*

There he now sat. He always escaped to the Quidditch pitch when he felt any strong emotions. As he sat, thinking things over, he felt something hot falling down his cheek. Angrily wiping the tears away he though _Since when does James Potter cry? _ He knew that this time was different.

**A/N 2 – I know it's short but the other chapters will be longer. This is just the prologue. I'll try and update as soon as possible so please review!**

**Lu :D **


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

James POV

It was the morning after Lily had said – or screamed – the words which proved that she did, in fact, hate me. All of my friends were down in the Great Hall, probably laughing without me. Not caring that I was missing.

I stood in the bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror. I couldn't help but replay some of the things that she had said to me last night. _Never going to fall in love with your fat, arrogant self_. I remembered those words as clear as day. And for the first time in over three years, I believed every word of it. I would never be good enough for her.

I walked slowly down the main staircase. I just didn't feel hungry today. I didn't feel like doing anything. Not even the fact that we had potions with the Slytherins (great time for pranks) managed to cheer me up. The great hall was as lively as ever, laughter coming from every direction. The opposite of how I felt. As I walked between the tables, I thought I heard people talking about me. Probably just being paranoid.

"Prongs, mate! You're late!" Sirius all but yelled to the entire hall.

"Yeah, umm… I forgot my potions book so I had to go back for it." I said as I sat down next to Remus. As I looked at all the food on Sirius's plate it just made me feel sick, not the usual sensation of immense hunger that I would have felt if today had been any other day.

I didn't want to put anything on my plate, but Remus was looking suspiciously at me so I had to eat something. _Just one bite, not going to change anything_. The moment the toast touched my tong, my stomach lurched.

"Back in a minute." I said hurriedly as I almost ran to the nearest lavatory.

Then, next thing I knew I had locked myself in a cubicle and I was violently throwing up all of yesterdays food. I vowed to make sure I didn't eat anything, so as not to spoil 'the new me' I was trying to become.

As I stood up and unlocked the cubicle door I felt so tired. I had barely slept an hour last night, her words were playing like a stuck tape in my head. I had devised a plan. A great plan, I would try and be the opposite of what she thought of me. First things first. She thought me fat… So I wouldn't be.

"Where did you go at breakfast?" Remus whispered as McGonagall gave us her long lecture about animagi which we knew everything about already.

"Oh, ummm… I left my ink in the dorm. Had to get it… Uh… Yeah." I muttered. Remus was observant, I already knew this. But it seemed as if he thought I was planning something. Doing something behind his back.

"Okay" He smiled at me, I was reassured that he knew nothing

After all, I wasn't doing anything stupid. Not going for any drastic changes. Only loose a couple of kilos. Everything will be okay.

The next day I thought everything was going great. I hadn't eaten anything for a day and I wasn't planning on giving up soon. That morning I was walking alone along the hallway back towards the Griffindor Common Room. As I walked I saw Lily coming the other way. I smiled and greeted her in a kind way. The next thing I know and she slapped me!

"Don't you dare smile at me Potter! You're up to something and when I find out what it is, you will be in big trouble! Now out of my way!"

I'll never understand why she hates me so much. I try so hard to show her who I really am, but she just doesn't understand. I just wish she did.


End file.
